Editor’s note: This was our annual April Fool’s Day article
In a rare moment of humility for the overly litigious organization, the Wild Fish Conservancy says that beavers are far better at restoring fish habitat than it will ever be.
“You’ve been wasting your salmon and steelhead recovery money on us,” said a spokesperson for the Duvall, Washington-based outfit. “You should be spending it on other rodents instead.”
Records from the Washington Fish Recovery Board show WFC has received approximately $12.7 million dollars in grants for various projects in the state over the past 20 years.
The admission may stem from a November 2018 article that detailed how a colony of seven beavers plopped down in a part of the Mt. Baker-Snoqualmie National Forest relatively close to WFC’s headquarters in 2015 by tribal biologists “has blossomed into an empire … The vast maze of channels and ponds would be an impressive feat for an engineer in a backhoe; for a handful of rodents armed only with incisors, it’s practically miraculous.”
“All that labor creating rearing habitat for young ESA-listed fish is literally free,” the WFC spokesman said. “F.R.E.E. You are literally fools to give us any more money to pay for dynamite and bulldozers and whatnot.”
WFC’s disclosure is notable because the organization and others like it often claim that producing hatchery fish is a waste of money. That it admits its own efforts squander tax dollars is extraordinary.
“I mean, we’ll still take the money and, I don’t know, file some more lawsuits, but I’m just sayin’,” said the spokesman.
The acknowledgement caught the attention of the Washington fish recovery board.
“We will be reviewing their file in light of this,” said grant manager Al Floorips. “A refund may be due the state.”