Actual Oregon Wolf Recalls How Last Year Wolfies Fretted Numbers Had Stagnated – ‘LOL’

Hey, Wolfies, I’m baaaaaaaaaa-ack!

Remember me? It’s Jimbo! You may know me as OR777, or whatever this collar says — I can’t quite see the label on the damn thing and my packies can’t read either.


Anyway, about this time last year ya’ll were fretting that Oregon’s wolf population growth had “stalled,” that it was “stagnant.”

Apparently those saps at ODFW could only find 112 of us at the end of 2016, just two more than the previous December.

(Might help their count if we ever saw any of them looking around in the woods — insert hungry wolf emoji here.)

But coming the year after the state biologists delisted us from Special Snowflake Status, it gave ya’ll a pretty good excuse to wring your hands and look all worried that we still needed “protection.”

(With Fenrir as my witness, good grief you embarrass us sometimes — these fangs? these claws? long-distance leg muscles? ability to freak people right the @%$@ out with a good long stare? We did not evolve these traits just to be coddled, OK.)

Sooooo I just got an email update from ODFW and it says here that, at the very least, we’re up to 124 of us Oregon wolves.

I’m not that good at math, as you can imagine, but I guess that’s like better than 10 percent population growth, and I don’t want this to get too X-rated because this is a family blog, you understand, but let’s just say that that randy dog up in Northeast Washington ain’t the only Northwest canine who knows how to woo ’em — we had a third more breeding pairs last year too.

Also, we’ve now taken over nine counties — surrender, La Grande, we gotcha surrounded!

Not too shabby for a population you thought had forgotten how to breed and raise pups, LOL.

That is what you want us to do, right?

I don’t mean to be all gross and vomit your words back in your face — I’ll be doing a lot of upchucking myself this spring with dead deer and elk because my better half is due any day now — but thanks anyway, wolfies, we gonna be all right here.

Oh, by the way, what’s this I hear that you’re trying to run this same exact “stagnation” ploy up in Washington now?

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